01/08/2013

Hi, I'm Sascha and I like to eat



























I have a confession to make: I like to eat.

And I don't mean the typically girly, "oh I eat soooo much, look at my fat tummy" *pinches 2mm of skin on stomach* but I really eat. Like a horse. Or worse: like a guy.

I thought of this today when I went to this amazing place next to my office, one where you can make your own salad (my version of heaven...they have houmous and Greek dolma rolls!) and made myself a HUGE takeaway box. That I then ate in the office kitchen. I put almost all of it on a plate, ate it...and then, after some consideration, proceeded to eat what was left in the takeaway box. I care about beans and tomatoes too much to throw them out just because everyone else around me nibbles on a lettuce leaf going, "it's too hot to eat".




Too hot to eat? What? Are you an alien? Because you and I are not from the same planet, girlfriend. I get hungry all the time - literally, at any time of any day (or night) if you offer me good vegan food, chances are I'll wolf it down - even if I just ate a while ago.

Yesterday I had no dinner (long story, some ugly things happened and I didn't feel like going to the supermarket) for the first time in years and I woke up at 3 a.m with the feeling of knives stabbing me in the stomach from hunger. It was unbearable. I almost went down to the kitchen and made myself some pasta. Almost.

I don't know why it's expected of women to never be hungry. I often eat just as much as David does. I remember a remark from an ex-coworker in Italy when we all went out for lunch. He said, "even if you can't tell it by looking at Sascha, she eats a lot!" I asked him how he knew and he referred to a lunch the past week when I had actually finished a plate of risotto instead of leaving half like all the other girls at the table. To me, that's not "eating a lot" (it's not like I got a salad or chips after the risotto) - men always clean their plates with no one sticking the "big eater" label on them, while women are expected to pick at their food. But it's all right: I'm okay with being "the girl who eats a lot".

Hence, some phrases you'll never hear me say:


I never get hungry in the summer.
Okay, um, it's hot. There's an effing heatwave. Doesn't mean we have to starve. It just means that you should step away from the microwave and come with me to the make your own salad place.


I forgot to eat.
I will never understand this. How can you "forget to eat"? How? No matter how busy you are, you never forget to put your shoes on in the morning, do you? This is so mind-baffling to me. One of life's greatest pleasures, and you "forget" it. Good job. I don't want to know what else you forget. If I were you, I'd rather forget to work.


I ate half a sandwich and I'm full.
Nice try. Have a cookie.

Let's have watermelon for lunch.
Words that were actually uttered by a former coworker. Cue laughter. "Let's have ice cream for lunch" was better, but I'd still like to correct it to, "let's have lunch THEN ice cream...THEN watermelon".


How many calories is that?
How many what? I'm sorry, I don't know what that word means.


Unbelievably, in the years following my eating disorder, it was quite hard for me to say "I'm hungry". I didn't eat if no one else was eating (something I can still have a problem with now) and I never asked my friends if they wanted to go out and eat. Coffee, yes. Actual lunches/dinners? They had to suggest them. I'd go, but only if it was someone else's idea and everyone else was eating. I remembered that this Sunday, when I was walking around with David and we were talking about grabbing some dinner. "I'm not that hungry yet," he said. "Are you?" "Yes, I actually am", I said. "But if you want we can eat later". It felt weird to say "I'm hungry" even if he wasn't. It made me think of how far I'd come in my journey of accepting myself. It may seem like a such a minor detail, but it wasn't for me.

I've come to this conclusion: the only socially accepted occasion when you can actually say you're hungry, as a woman, is when you're pregnant. "Eating for two" isn't only allowed, it's encouraged. So if I ever have kids, expect to see me with a veggie burger in one hand and a tub of chocolate cupcake icing in the other, for nine months. Until then, I promise you that I will always remember to eat.



The above picture is of David's trademark vegan spaghetti and "meat"balls - my favourite Saturday lunch!

9 comments:

  1. condivido: io mangio sempre e mangio tanto! Mi fanno una rabbia le amiche/colleghe che dopo mezzo panino sono tutto un "uh come sono piena" e io dopo il mio me ne mangerei almeno un altro! Comunque non è vero che in gravidanza mangiare per due è raccomandato, da quando sono incinta son tutti lì a commentare quanti kg ho preso!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Spero che almeno lo commentano in modo positivo? Cioé é giusto che prendi chili, sei incinta (congratulazioni tra l'altro!). Altrimenti sarebbe preoccupante.

      Delete
  2. Ha ha! I liked this article almost as much as the one about spilling on a white dress (I have the same issue with white skirts which I love. I am a tiny girl with a big appetite so I hear you on this, people always find it strange when I finish my plate and ask for the desert menu! Fortunately, I am pregnant right now and don’t need to justify myself when I eat huge amounts of food  Wish you a nice weekend and hope things already got better.
    Ps: I am very much hoping that one day you will give away the recipe of this delicious looking vegan «meatballs» ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I probably eat more than my boyfriend too! xx

    ReplyDelete
  4. So good! And I totally agree with you. I also know this category of women who apparently loose all appetite when they are either freshly in love or heartbroken. I secretly envy that. I can eat always and especially when heartbroken and what is nicer than to share food with a new love?!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oh God, when I'm heartbroken?? Bring on the brownies, cupcakes, ice cream, pizza, whatever you've got! I'm definitely NOT one of the people who lose appetite during a rocky love-life moment!

      Delete
  5. mi è piaciuto molto questo post.
    Mangiare è bello ed è un dei veri piaceri della vita. C'è chi mangia solo per nutrirsi, io mangio perchè mi piace, mi piace davvero. Per me sarebbe quasi sempre il momento buono per mangiare, da poco ho imparato a darmi una regolata ascoltando il mio corpo, perchè mi sono accorta che spesso e volentieri mangiavo più per gola che per vera fame, però è una cosa che mi piace.
    "FA CALDO, NON MANGIO" "MI SONO SCORDATA DI MANGIARE" sono cose per me assolutamente incomprensibili, non capisco come faccia la gente, come sia mai possibile. Mi alzo la mattina e il mio pensiero va al pranzo, successivamente alla cena, sono forse i pochi punti fermissimi della mia giornata, per non dire della mia vita. Almeno tre volte al giorno, mangio, non posso farne a meno (eccetto in rari casi, e sempre perchè sono stata male).
    Il mio ragazzo ogni tanto mi dice: "mangi come un uomo" è vero, e se non ci fosse lui, probabilmente mangerei molto di più, perchè mi piace, non me ne vergogno nè lo nascondo. Forse mi regolo di più davanti a degli sconosciuti, ma chi mi conosce lo sa: non sono una che fa complimenti nè una che si tira indietro davanti a qualcosa di appetitoso!
    Un abbraccio!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh my God a girl after my own heart! I too love to eat, it is one of life's greatest pleasures. I often say to my hubby (usually when I am chowing down on a plate of nosh!) how much I would hate it to be one of those people who don't like eating and how sad it makes me feel that some people view eating as a necessity rather than a joy. Also I am so so lucky as apart from fennel I will eat pretty much anything. There is nothing better than sitting down at a table surrounded with those you love, a good bottle of red (or two) and tucking into something tasty. Right I'm off to the kitchen now because this post has made me peckish!

    ReplyDelete

Speak your mind.