Things I Can't Wear: The White Dress

On my birthday a month or so ago, a couple of friends were kind enough to give me a H&M gift certificate (my friends are awesome) so I went shopping. Among the things I bought was this little gem of a dress. It cost about £15 (no kidding, people) and looked delicious. I really mean delicious, like a little wedding cake. I was in love; I HAD to have it.

I have a theory: there's a reason why some of us choose to wear white dresses on our wedding days. Screw that whole "virginal" thing: the real, secret reason is because, well, white is divine, and when are we ever going to wear it again? Think about it: who wears white on an everyday basis? Not me: I'm way too scared.

I am actually afraid of white dresses. Looking at one makes me feel a bit uneasy because as I admire its beauty, I automatically start imagining myself spilling things on it. It's like a video that goes off in my head, HD and all. Take one: me enjoying David's fantastic vegan spaghetti Bolognaise in a white dress, resulting in a beautiful spray-paint cloud of tomato sauce all over the front. Take two: me having a glass of red wine in the pub and reaching over to toast with someone. Drops fall, in slow motion, creating little puddles of red on the perfect, immaculate white. Take three: me eating chocolate cake in a coffee shop, waving my fork around while I talk, chocolate sprinkles forming Monet-esque patterns on the white lace hem. Terrifying. It's like a horror movie.

But I bought it. I bought the white dress because I couldn't help myself. And also, I guess, because I wanted to challenge myself: how long before I spill? It's like a new Really? 10 p.m show: Girl Vs Dress.

Since this dress made its first appearance in my closet, I was put to the test twice.

Test number one: my and David's six-year anniversary dinner. In an INDIAN restaurant (I tried to go with Thai, less colourful choices that could leave stains, but David wouldn't have it. He's not a huge fan of Thai, so I had to take a leap of faith). Indian places usually have lots of vegan options and I love everything that comes with curry sauce, so I went for the vegetable curry and veggie Biryani. Great choices food-wise, less great white dress-wise. Oh, how many times I witnessed curry-covered grains of rice slip down my fork and fall (there's that slow motion again) towards my demise. Fortunately, I managed to catch them with my napkin just in time (I probably wasn't drunk enough yet). Crisis averted....for now.

Test number two: lunch with coworkers in the park. I can hear you asking, but why, WHY would you wear this particular dress on the day when you were going to have lunch IN A PARK? In my defense...I had no idea this particular moment of torture was coming my way. You see, I'm not in my office every day (some days I work with other clients; this client that requires me to be in the office has agreed to have me do part time as I'm so snowed under), so when the "hey guys, let's all go for sandwiches in the park" email came, I was sitting at Costa Coffee working on other stuff. The following day, I pranced in wearing my cream-cake dress, only to find myself invited to sit down on grass - grass!! - and eat an oily, Chili-sauce-laden Turkish spinach and salad wrap. In my white dress. Guys, there should be some kind of prize for this. A "congratulations, you didn't stain your white dress" award. Except that if there was, I wouldn't win it. Because I DID stain my dress. I managed to wipe it off and it wasn't very noticeable until the end of the day, but I stained it. With chili sauce. Chili sauce on my perfect wedding-cake dress. Shudder.

That same night, I went out for drinks with coworkers. All I can say is, thank God we went for white wine.

Yesterday, in the office loos, a girl asked me if it was noticeable that she had spilled on her white dress. I couldn't see anything and I told her so, but this time she was lucky: it could have been worse. White dresses are dangerous. Be afraid, fellow fashionistas. Be very afraid.

Photos by me


  1. First of all the dress is amazing and you look stunning, very Chloe back in the day. Secondly can you imagine how people in all white flats must live? I'd be scared to breathe. And last but not least I would recommend to check if you can find some ox-gall soap - flip, now that I write it isn't actually vegan - sorry, I didn't even realize, thought I would spread the joy as it is the best stain getter outer there is. But no worries - I will ask my friend, she gets stains out for a living and I shall ask her for a vegan option just so you have something at hand for when it gets red wine weather again.

    1. Thank you! Wow, ChloƩ, that's quite a compliment. I guess my problem isn't getting the stain out - that's usually not a problem once I'm home. The embarrassment lies in walking around with a stain on my dress UNTIL I get home - unless I start carrying a back-up black dress with me!

    2. Okay, with that I have no advise but to keep your head high. Mind you, I always always seem to wear my black dress for pizza night and black dresses are the worst when pizza making!

  2. Lovely dress! That certainly is impressive, I am terrible for spilling food all over myself it's ridiculous! xx

  3. Ha ha I am glad to read that I am not alone! I love white dresses but whenever I wear one I want to erect a 10 foot exclusion zone around myself to keep myself pristine! x


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