Since I’m a very (and I mean very) clumsy person, I find myself in rather embarrassing situations not too rarely. You know: walking into glass doors, getting strangled by my scarf that’s caught up in this or that, dropping things, breaking things, running into things…that’s me. What do I do about it? My latest idea is to share those little gems on my blog hoping that maybe I’m not the only one.
So yesterday I was standing in the office kitchen talking on my phone when all of a sudden I felt something roll down my shoulder and heard a clinking sound. It took me about a nanosecond to realize that something was my earring. It then proceeded to roll straight under the fridge. The conversation I was having on the phone came to an abrupt end:
My boyfriend: “…so I was thinking, if I colour this guitar red instead of yellow…”
Me: “sweetie, I have to go, my earring just disappeared into what appears to be Narnia. I’ll call you later.”
So I get down on my hands and knees and begin the search, obviously seeing only dust. My earring seems to have been eaten by the Dust Monster as it’s nowhere to be found. But I stay on my hands and knees on the floor, clinging to my hope (and also noticing that my tights have a small run at the left knee. Runny tights and only one earring – this is a stylish day for me).
One girl from my team walks into the kitchen to get a cup of tea. Now, this girl seems really nice (and the following instants will show that is correct) but I don’t know her that well. So the last thing I expect her to do when I mention that, oh, I don’t actually have a floor fetish, I just lost an earring, is to get on her knees and help me look. But that’s what she does. With no success, but still very much appreciated.
Next, a girl from another team walks in to get a plate. “What’s happened?” she asks. Well, it’s a perfectly legitimate question when you can’t get to the kitchen cupboard because there’s a person crawling on the floor. “I’ve lost an earring”, I say, trying to sound cute and unfortunate instead of a weirdo with dusty fingers (and now pretty dusty knees). “Oh, that SUCKS!”. She is really feeling my pain, this one. “So why don’t you use the torch light on your phone?”
The what-now on my phone? “I don’t have that”, I say.
“How can you not?” She seems genuinely baffled by this. “I use it ALL THE TIME.”
I click onto App Store. Search: “torch light”. Ten seconds later, my phone is a light source strong enough to get the entire office through a January afternoon should the electricity go out.
Back on my hands and knees I go, only by now the kitchen’s filled up with people chatting, warming up their lunch, getting coffee. And this girl in a lace dress and biker boots on her hands and knees shining her phone into the dust-filled underworld below the fridge. People walk around me, bump into me, say “sorry”. “I’ve lost my earring”, I mumble, slowly relinquishing all hope of retaining at least a tiny shred of dignity. A few kind-hearted colleagues help me look.
A man shows up. I don’t know him. He stops and looks at me just like everyone else’s been looking at me lately: with the “are you drunk, ‘cause it’s not Friday yet” look.
“He was looking at your butt”. My boyfriend is certain.
I roll my eyes and take a sip of water. Now, at the dinner table, it all seems a bit funny. Ah, the relieving power of hindsight. “Now he wasn’t,” I counter. “He was puzzled, just like everyone else. I was basically lying on the floor, pressing my cheek into the dust. And he wanted to help.”
“He was looking at your butt”, David sums up, unwilling to budge.
So this man, who might or might not – I rest my case that he wasn’t –be looking at my behind, finally breaks the silence: “are you looking for something?”
“My earring.” I repeat. You guys, it’s a really special earring. It was a birthday present. AND REALLY THESE EARRINGS GO WITH FREAKING EVERYTHING.
The guy then produces a ruler, offering it as a poking device (yes, this expression comes from Friends and it comes in handy here). He then says he’s sorry he’s not doing the poking for me since he has to catch a train. See, David? He could have offered me the chance to look at his butt, but he passed it up.
So there I am, poking with the ruler into the dust and shining my phone somewhat hesitantly, terrified at the thought that theoretically there might be a huge spider there. But then something shiny catches my eyes (as it often happens). It’s an earring. IT’S MY EARRING!
I want to stand up and jump for joy, but that would take time away from the actual earring-poking. Which is proving to be anything but easy, actually. Seriously, this thing’s unpokeable (I’m sure some guys would have the same to say about me in high school). I can get it to move around, but I can’t get it to inch any closer to freedom. After ten minutes of resultless poking, my arms starts hurting and I give up. This is it? I’m just going to leave my earring there in the dust? My birthday earring? The one that polishes up every outfit with that subtle, classy touch? I glance at the dusty ruler in my hand and feel hopeless.
Another girl walks in. I think she’s American. “What are you doing?” she asks and I say that I am drilling for oil with a ruler under the fridge. No, seriously, I repeat the earring story. I then add that without the torch light that I just downloaded, I’d never be able to even spot it.
“You didn’t already have that?” she says. Ok so this torch light thing is apparently a big deal. If you don’t have it, get it now before someone finds out you don’t have it and acts completely horrified.
And then she has the most GENIUS idea.
“Put some Blu Tack on the end of the ruler. That way the earring will stick to it and come out.”
What did I say? GE. NI. US.
Ten seconds later, a dust-covered little gem was resting in my hand. I was so ecstatic I almost stuck it back into my ear – but a vision popped up in my head of my boyfriend going, “what are you doing?? You have to DISINFECT IT first!” so I hid both earrings (no use wearing just one, is there? And plus after this one’s disappearing act, I was kind of paranoid) in the depths of my wallet. Where there’s no risk of them disappearing to Narnia again.
...if you're wondering what these amazing earrings look like, you can see them in this post.
Picture from Pinterest