20/10/2012

When Dreams Don't Come True



Do you remember this post?

Some of you have commented, tweeted or e-mailed me asking how my "new, exciting project" was coming along and wishing me luck. 
Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you.

Sometimes things don't go the way you want them to, no matter how dedicated you may be to your dream. That's what happened to me this week and I have yet to get over it.



I'll tell you what happened.

I love being a freelancer, but since I moved to London I have seen lots of opportunities that seem so interesting that I find myself asking, "what if? What if I just try, for the heck of it? Who knows?" And just like I expected, being alone all day is really getting to me. I don't know how much of it I can take. So, partly as a way to beat solitude and partly as a "let's see what happens" adventure, I started applying for jobs.

And so, out of nowhere, my dream job showed up. An upper-level editorial job in..wait for it...ECO-FASHION. The mother ship was calling me home!
I applied for it, proudly ignoring this little voice in my head that kept saying, "you don't have anywhere near enough experience for this supercool job. And, in case you haven't noticed, you're not sophisticated enough, Frizzyhead." I usually tell that voice to put a sock in it and this time was no exception. I masterfully crafted an application and pressed "send".

The following day, they contacted me. They wanted me to come in for an interview. I couldn't believe it. I almost wanted to email back and ask if maybe they've got my email address mixed up with a more sleek, elegant, well-connected and experienced candidate. Instead, I stayed up night, day, and another night to prepare a presentation of ideas that I'd like to bring to their magazine. I was ready to take the chance.

The interview was lovely. The team was super. THIS was my chance; THIS was my opportunity, I just knew it. I was completely in love with the picture of this job in my head. It had gone from "hey, this sounds like a fun opportunity" to "goodbye freelance, this is my dream job!" in the blink of an eye.

Two days later, I got invited for a second interview, which made me both happy and nervous. How would I convince them that I was the confident, charismatic and competent editor they were looking for? I prepared, prepared and prepared some more. Then, I picked out an outfit that went with my go-get-it attitude and marched off, determined. This interview, too, went well.

I started getting carried away. I imagined myself coming into work in the cozy little office. I planned what I'd wear on my first day and what flavour vegan cupcakes I'd bring for the team to start off on a good (high-heeled) foot. I laid out in my mind all the changes I'd make to the magazine and what kind of people I'd interview. It felt like a whole new dream life was materialising in front of me. 

Until they emailed and told me that it had come down to me and another candidate with more managerial experience...and they had chosen her (or him. But something tells me it's a her).

It felt like someone had first given me a hug, then punched me in the stomach. I had wanted this job so, so much. I was convinced this was the big chance I'd come to London for. It was like this huge, beautiful balloon bursting.

I know, I know, that you shouldn't think you've "got it" until you've well, got it. But something along the way had made me feel like there was this karmic justice of "I deserve this" and my passion and drive was going to beat my not being experienced enough. 
But jobs don't work like that. It's about matching your skill set with the employer's needs, and this time, I wasn't it. End of story.


So, my strategy is:

1. Making lots of green tea and stacking up on vegan cookies (more on those in an upcoming post!) and having a How I Met Your Mother marathon.

2. Listening to this:





3. and then this:






4. Shopping.

5. Getting started on all the awesome assignments I have this month and look around for other kick-ass opportunities.

6. Contemplating this:









18 comments:

  1. Why don't you start your own eco-fashion online magazine? You could have a lifestyle section too with recipes etc to give it an edge. It sounds like you have the drive and experience to do it, and it would look really good on your cv too. everyone has to start somewhere don't they?

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    Replies
    1. That's an excellent idea, Charlotte, and I'd be lying if I told you the thought had never crossed my mind. I believe that I definitely do have the editorial skills and the eco-knowledge to make such a magazine work. And I have about a million fabulous contributors in mind as well (see below). The problem? I have nowhere NEAR enough connections and am not very confident in my own abilities to, you know, actually get people to read it.

      One day I DO want my own cruelty-free lifestyle magazine. I want to have a tiny little office in a cute London area with a handful of cool, talented, dedicated people working with me. But I have to figure out how the heck to get there. And I thought this job was a step on the way - I guess I was wrong. Happens. But you're right: everyone's got to start somewhere. Thanks for this comment, it's very encouraging

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  2. It is SO annoying & disappointing when you're not esteemed the best candidate for a job you apply for - recently happened to me too! But it doesn't mean you're not the best in LOTS of things. You should seriously consider the eco-magazine suggestion above. (And please let me write on it too!) And just FYI: you ARE sleek, sophisticated and elegant! So there!

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    Replies
    1. THANK YOU :) this comment really made me smile! Like I told Charlotte (above), I've been thinking about this for a while. It's definitely a huge dream of mine. And I'd love it if you could be part of it! I'd love it if me not getting this job could be the start of something amazing. Stay tuned...

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  3. I indeed will! I'd love nothing better than to contribute in something ethical, cruelty-free and cool! And I think it IS really important to rise awareness on the fact that to be ethical you don't have to dress in old sack and wash yourself with cold water only... I think there's still lots of sexing-up to do on the vegan/ethical fashion front! So if you need a Nordic correspondence you know where to look. :) (I'm getting excited already as you can see - but excitement is the first step for making your dreams true, isn't it?!)

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  4. Mi dispiace tantissimo Sascha, ma non buttarti giù, sono più che sicura che avrai tante altre opportunità di trovare il lavoro della tua vita; forse, semplicemente, non era ancora arrivato il momento. Sono più che convinta che se uno si dà da fare e si applica con passione prima o poi raccoglierà i frutti del proprio impegno.
    Magari potrebbero chiamarti più in là, magari avranno bisogno di un'altra collaboratrice.
    E poi sì, potresti sempre iniziare a pensare seriamente a creare una tua rivista eco-fashion. Secondo me le carte in regola le hai. Sei competente, originale, creativa, piena di idee e parli e scrivi tre lingue. L'esperienza si fa strada facendo, devi credere in te stessa però e lo so che è cosa più semplice a dirsi che a farsi... pensa allora a tutte le cose che sei riuscita concretamente a realizzare.
    Un abbraccio. :-)

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  5. My thought is, for every opportunity you try for and don't get, that just means your destiny was meant for something else great.

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  6. I agree with the above comment. Maybe it wasn't meant to be because something better will come along. And I love the idea of you starting your own magazine, I'd love to write for it too :)

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  7. Awh. Sorry to read that. I can sympathise. On to bigger and better, lady! :) It just means you're meant for so much more. (You are. We all know it.)

    I LOVE that image/quote. Love it. Very true, very appropriate.

    Here's to making your own opportunities! I'd send in a piece for perusal if you started a magazine, too. ;)

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  8. Oh mi spiace molto :(
    Sei una persona così forte e piena di vita, iniziative, idee, sono certa che il tuo lavoro dei sogni sta aspettando da qualche parte!
    L'idea del tuo giornale eco-friendly credo non sia proprio da sottovalutare, io lo leggerei senza dubbio, e infondo è quello che già è abbozzato qui nel tuo blog, visto che scrivi di outfits, ricette, make up, ecc..
    CORAGGIO!

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  9. Voglio essere positiva, anche se leggere queste parole mi ha buttatto abbastanza giù.

    Quello che voglio dirti, però, è di non pensare che perché una opportunità è andata male, i tuoi sogni non potranno mai diventare realtà. Ecco, partirei proprio dal titolo del tuo post. I tuoi sogni non diventano realtà? No, forse hanno solo sbagliato strada, ma ritroveranno la giusta direzione. Forse hanno incontrato un ostacolo, ma lo supereranno. Forse hanno fatto quel che la vita ha detto loro di fare. E magari un giorno ti guarderai indietro e non sarai più così amareggiata da questa piccola grande sconfitta. Dipende molto da te, dall'atteggiamento che avrai da adesso in poi e dal modo in cui affronterai questa situazione.

    Prenditi il tuo tempo e ricomincia a crederci!

    http://almenounmilionediscale.blogspot.it/

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  10. oh what a bummer!!!! I remember job-searching, trying to land my foot in the door and it was. so. disheartening. I must have sent hundreds of applications off in the space of a few years and got no where because I didn't have the experience (I just want to point out the only way you can get experience in my industry is to get a job..talk about a catch 22) but I love Charlotte's idea, that sounds perfect for you! When one door closes another opens, and maybe this job may have been perfect, there could be something even more perfect waiting for you around the corner, like starting your own magazine! You are in LONDON! You could make anything happen :)

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  11. I'm sorry to hear that it didn't work out for you. But I do think it's a good thing that you ignored your insecurities and pushed through the experience anyway. I'm sure that all your preparation meant you learned more about yourself along the way. Just a thought... have you heard of Peppermint Magazine here in Australia? I think it's right up your alley. Why don't you try submitting articles to them? Surely being published in other publications around the world will take you leaps and bounds closer to your goals?

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  12. Ciao! Mi dispiace che non sia andata bene e conosco quella sensazione di credercicredercicrederci per poi rimanere delusi. Però ho imparato una cosa che ho sentito durante una pubblicità alla radio in cui mi ritrovo: grazie alle cose che non ho avuto, che mi hanno fatto capire quello che voglio davvero. Forse questo rifiuto sarà la spinta necessaria per muoverti in una certa direzione. Good luck!

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  13. La vita non finisce mai di stupirmi (in negativo purtroppo). Ogni volta che mi sento risollevata e speranzosa ne capita un'altra.. L'unica cosa che ho capito è che non mi bisogna arrendersi mai, davvero! Direi che il tuo piano per risollevarti è ottimo quindi, un respiro profondo e si ricomincia! Never back down :) Un abbraccione!

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  14. Mi dispiace molto!So che è difficile essere positivi adesso,ma sinceramente non penso che sia tutto un male.Tu stessa hai detto che non avevi molta esperienza per quella posizione eppure alla fine sei rimasta tra le ultime due candidate e questa mi sembra una cosa sorprendente!Ok hanno scelto una con più esperienza di te,ma questo è il punto:a te non manca il talento o la passione,ma solo questa benedetta esperienze che sicuramente avrai occasione di fare se vuoi.Quindi non abbatterti,io sono sicura che il lavoro per te arriverà e presto!

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