Stuff My Mother Says

Mothers. I'm sure all of you would have lots to say on this topic.

My mom's an amazing, lovely woman. She loves taking care of her children. She adores her job as a teacher and does it extremely well. She's also one of those really traditional, old-fashioned Good Wives and Mothers, and she can't quite get her head round the fact that somehow a woman like her ended up with a vegan, freelance, soon-to-be-tattoed (she doesn't know that one, though) nomad kidult for an oldest daughter. So sometimes little clashes happen. Correction: little clashes happen every day.

Read on for an excerpt of Best of My Mom...

picture from Pinterest that has nothing to do whatsoever with my mother. 
It's just a reminder to myself that if - IF - I ever become a mother, I want to be like Lorelai.

On veganism:

Mom: but what is wrong with drinking milk?
Me: well, you know, cow's milk is nothing but a cow's breast milk, used to make the calf grow. So, naturally milk only comes out when the cow has had a calf. So she's kept pregnant almost all the time and the calf is taken away at a very young age to become veal. So drinking milk is practically like eating meat. And for me personally, cutting out milk has led to my stomach pains completely stopping.
Mom: oh, okay. I get it. You're lactose intolerant.

On marriage:

Mom: so? when are you getting married?
Me: we don't know yet, Mom. We prefer waiting until we can afford to make a special day of it, instead of just racing to it.
Mom: so you're going to be an old bride, then.

On kids:

Mom: are you thinking about kids yet?
Me: only when talking to you, Mother.
Mom: I warn you: if a man has no children before the age of forty, his life becomes filled with nightmares.
Me: good thing I'm not a man then, and I'm quite a heavy sleeper. Oh, and who's forty?
Mom: I know you two love each other. But I'm just saying. One day, one of you won't be around anymore. And you'll be all by yourself (I love how she's assuming David's going to be the first one to go).
Me: sounds like a great reason to have kids, Mom.

On blogging:

Me: so this is my blog. It's called Coffee and Heels. David drew the header.
Mom: so what do you write about?
Me: it used to be a lot about fashion, but it's not so much anymore. Now, I mostly ramble on about my life. Like this post, where I talk about my hair. Or this, where I tell my readers about the fascinating mysteries of packing a suitcase.
Mom: but who would care about something like that?
Me: well, I believe that people do care, since I have a couple of followers and the same readers checking in and commenting on my posts.
Mom: I just don't understand this. Why would I want to read about what someone else had for breakfast?

 On clothes:
Me: Mom, this is my new dress. What do you think?
Mom: sweetie, you can't go outside naked. This is not Italy, you know. No thirty degrees here.
(this reminds me of the famous Clueless scene! "What's that?" "A dress." "Says who?" "Calvin Klein!" ...mine is H&M, though)

Mothers. Can't live with 'em...end of story. When you think it can't get any worse...it gets worse.

And then, it just gets amazing. Like this one:

Me: okay, I might as well say it. Mom, I'm not working at the office anymore. I went freelance last week.
Mom: honey, that's amazing! I'm so happy for you. So much less stress and so much more focusing on your own projects. And you're so smart, so you're going to do fantastic. Great for you!

...I love you, Mom.


  1. Ah this made me laugh so much- it's really put a smile on my face! Brilliant post! X

  2. Alex: I have found that laughing is the only way to deal with it.

  3. ah le mamme sono grandi!! e la foto che hai postato è favolosa :D

  4. Do we have the same mother? great post :)

  5. uff mamme, ce ne sarebbe da dire per ore... Il mio (per il momento) unico tatuaggio l'ho fatto proprio a Stoccolma, uno studio eccezionale, lavoro coi fiocchi. Lo fai lì o in Italia?

  6. Vetekatten: lo faccio a Milano, il 29, già prenotato! Questo mia mamma non lo sa....

  7. hahahaha anche mia mamma quando esco tipo con una specie di burqa mi dice "eh ma Volpi... ma mica puoi uscire tutta sconciata così!!" Hahahah le solite mamme! Bellissimo post! Adoravo una mamma per amica!! Lorelay era fantastica :D


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